>Mumbai, India

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I don’t know whether my fear is more overpowering or my anger.

It’s been 13 straight hours that I’ve been glued to the television. And another 6 hours, last night.

What is unbelievable is the fact that it’s been 24 hours and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. The sad part is that there doesn’t seem to be any knowledge of who the attackers are, how many of them are there, and how many hostages they actually hold. But there is rage. A simmering amongst most of the people I’ve spoken to. A simmering against our so called leaders. A simmering against the unpreparedness for an attack of this nature. And a weariness against the phrase “spirit of Mumbai”. What use is spirit if you don’t know whether you or your loved ones are safe in the city. And, really, there can be display of “spirit” once, maybe twice. But, not again and again.

And while I am pained at all that is happening, I am very clear in my head about certain things. I blame the political system for whatever is happening in this country. It is a country poised to leap into the big league. It is a country where all of us work really hard to take it there. It is, unfortunately also a country of greedy, self centered, uneducated, apathetic political leaders. Who do not have the vision, the necessary qualifications or even interest to chart a path till there.

And this time I’m determined to do something about it. I cannot, like in some dramatic bollywood movie, change the system, become the Prime Minister for one day, beat up the baddies etc. BUT

1. I will vote. I will not be lazy and treat it as one of the many choices of things to do on a holiday. I will treat it as the reason for the holiday.
2. I will use RTI. Whenever I mentally question a particular action of a government body, whenever I am dissatisfied with the delays in infrastructure projects, I will not just sit and discuss it with friends and colleagues over drinks at some pub, I will question it legitimately and legally.
3. I will mobilize people to do the same. I will find out RTI procedures and mail to people. I’ll post scraps of it on Facebook. If it is lack of knowledge preventing us from taking action, let’s sort that out.

I’m guilty of being one of the many whose outrage at this particular incident is irrationally more than at the others. Because, this time, I was directly affected. These are places that I visit. Café Leopold is a place that we visit for after work drinks atleast once in a week. Oberoi is a stone’s throw from my office. And I left office at 9.30, 10 mins before the carnage began. So where is one safe? And it’s not just about Mumbai. Which city in India can boast of providing safety to it’s residents.

Watching images the TAJ hotel burning, I almost cried. It looked so lonely standing there inspite of the mayhem and madness around it, alone in it’s brutalization, screaming for help. My heart goes out for the people who have been through the terror of the past two days, who have lost their lives. If we have any iota of pain at what happened, and pride in our nation, we will do our bit to make sure that we demand security, we demand work from the politicians, and most importantly, we demand accountability from them.