To the 17/18 year old girl at next table in restaurant,

It’s OK. I understand that you were feeling sorry for us. And I know you were thinking that you would never want a marriage like that. Where two people are out for dinner at a romantic setting but are not talking to each other. I know because, you know, I used to think that way too. My idea of a romantic dinner was to look lovingly into my partner’s eyes and talk. “My goodness”, I would say , spotting silent, brooding couples at restaurants. “I hope I never have a loveless marriage like that”.

But you know what? I was wrong. And today, I know you are too. Marriage is more than looking at each other lovingly across candle lit tables and talking.

Marriage is about a tired husband coming back home to discover no dinner as the maid/cook did not turn up because of the rains.

Marriage is about a husband understanding that the wife is too tired to cook.

Marriage is about a tired husband agreeing to go out for dinner because his wife says she had a rotten day at the office and wants to step out to cheer herself up.

Marriage is about giving each other the space to sort out jumbled work related thoughts and not talk incessantly about trivialities.

Marriage is about wife knowing that he will tell all once he’s done sorting out his brain.

Marriage is about husband knowing that she will tell all once she’s done sorting out her brain.

Marriage is about comfortably waiting for two plates of spaghetti bolognaise while just soaking up the atmosphere and trying to find mental peace.

That’s marriage, sweetie. And you’ll be lucky if you have one like ours.


The ‘jaded’ and ‘bored’ couple on the next table.

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49 Responses to >Letter.

  1. Anonymous says:

    >hahaha sooooooooooooo true.. me and hubby of years.. and love of my life… hardly talk when we go out to eat.. unless its something about food…but it's totally okay… 🙂

  2. Dil se says:

    >That's so cute and true !! And when both the partners are working, it is very important to have an understanding like that. Romance is so much more than just candle light dinners and roses and singing songs/poems for each other.but each one o us lean it only after we have been there, seen it like it actually is.I really hope the girl next table reads this post of yours and learns a thing or two about marriage and making it work.

  3. WSW says:

    >I know!!!I used to look at silent couples munching their dinner in "romantic" settings and go "OMG, never!!"But now I know that you can have non-awkward silences only with those who make you most comfortable.

  4. Bedazzled says:

    >bang on target ,babe !!! …romance is all nice and fine ..ultimately its the understanding and willingness to put up with each other's blues is what really matters ..my hubby and I cud easily have been that "jaded and bored" couple..

  5. Serendipity says:

    >I LOVE this. LOVE LOVE LOVE.I was that silly girl a while ago, arent we all at some point? But you made this seem wonderful. *hugs*

  6. SMM says:

    >Marraige is just about being yourself and knowing the other person loves you for it.Me lves this post Deepika…me totally loved it 🙂

  7. Priya says:

    >yea man..dreams and reality are so different…but then it's these realities that make our life worth living…Fantasies are short lived…reality is the one with whom we try to come to terms with every moment and there if we succeed we are happy..if not…well…we can cheer ourself up at some good restaurant..wat say!!! :Dand i take this opportunity to say, none of my earlier comments in your post got processed!!!!.. :(..

  8. Priyanka says:

    >I know exactly what you mean. For me, though, it was the couple in the car. Staring out of the windows, lost in their thoughts and I would go like, what sad life – they can't even talk to each other!! Doesn't it happen often? You look at people and go 'when I will be their age, I will sooo not do this their way'?? But when you DO reach their age, you realise………:)Btw, am a long-time subscriber and first-time delurker. Love your blog.

  9. mindspace says:

    >how true… the post took me to the memories of some such dinners we had too.. n our case, the marriage is also about husband driving through a little longer but better route to that paan shop on some days and to the icecream parlour on others coz he knows tha wife will love having that after dinner(including the drive)am sure both of u were feeling much nicer after that meal out together 🙂

  10. Miss M says:

    >Oh wow. Some teenager giving you judgemental looks?Well I must confess, I used to be one of them too. I guess they are just kids who don't know any better.When their time comes, they'll realise it too, that marriage is much more than just being ga-ga over each other.And then they'll fondly remember and think, "Mumbai diva was infact right. Marriage is so much more. 🙂

  11. Jarlin says:

    >Very creative writing.Yes, marriage is full of understanding. You can feel the happiness if you start recognizing each other and love flourishes over a period of time. The word “Perfection” has no place in marriage life. If you start looking at perfection on one another you cannot lead a happy life.

  12. >Marriage is about age that never grows old.

  13. Indyeah says:

    >Can I just say beautiful! and leave it at that?:)Because it is.Its the real deal and lucky are those who have it.:)*touchwood*

  14. Meira says:

    >I drink to that :)n n n Marriage is about the husband wordlessly opening the last can of beer and offering it to the wife when she says she's had a terrible day at work 😀

  15. >ohh how well said….even i used to feel the same.My views changed too 🙂

  16. Parul says:

    >What are the chances of the young girl reading this?

  17. Mumbai Diva says:

    >Anon: yup us too sometimes. and sometimes we just chatter so much. but there is no pressure to do that.aneri_masi: :)Dil se: well, chances are she does not even know of the blog's existance 🙂 but the point is i was faintly amused and yet irritated with her, so it was good to write this.WSW: Of course you can. the idea is to be together. gazing at each other moonily all the time does not work, you know.Bedazzled: absolutely. it's the more solid, seemingly boring things that count, na? Ser: Oh i was too!! :)SMM: Thanks 🙂 Priya: aww, why was that? well, this one did.:)Priyanka: nice to hear from you. :)mindspace: i know what you're saying. oh it was a lot of fun. and by the time we came out, it had started pouring, so we reached home soaked and giggling like 2 kids. Miss M: :DJarlin: absolutely. completely agree.Hobo: :)Indyeah: Thank You :)Meira: taht's sweet.lazy pineapple: good for you :)Parul: Oh, none whatsoever 🙂 she will continue in cheerful oblivion of the blog AND my irritation.

  18. DewdropDream says:

    >How come I never noticed 'bored and jaded' couples when I was that young? I used to notice the ones that had just started out…Much as marriage is about enjoying the comfortable silences, I think it's equally important to have stuff to talk about years after the vows aren't new… and not just work, bills, relatives, family etc… more about shared interests or even different interests that make for worthy conversations.

  19. Mumbai Diva says:

    >DewdropDream: absolutely. but there are times when you understand that there is no pressure to talk. those are the times that I'm talking about. those are important too 🙂

  20. Paavani says:

    >well said. And one can feel the romance from all this unsaid gestures too. Who said, a candle light dinner only can do the trick when enjoying maggie as dinner can also make you laugh together.

  21. DewdropDream says:

    >Oh absolutely! :0 Your story just re-inforced my long-time belief though… that it's so easy to judge someone but one can never really see the bigger picture when it comes to judging strangers.P.S: I made waffles again, thought about then 🙂

  22. Iya says:

    >oh god, did that really happen? did u get those looks? i loved this post.. its so true, i think its one of ur best..

  23. BlueMist says:

    >Aah joys of married life :)Beautifully written. and the comfort that We are not the only couple who don't talk while dining/lunching ..lol 🙂

  24. Monika says:

    >ha ha ha i know i know i know and u know they will too when they reach this age 🙂

  25. chandni says:

    >as always,, well said and its so true :)I think like that especially when young women think its weird that the Boy and I sometimes do our individual thing with our individual friends including watching movies and plays without each other, even holidaying!

  26. Mukta says:

    >touch wood. :-)okay…now about the pasta…how was it? where was it? and why do people not describe the food they eat anymore! sheesh…everyone's just so deep and cerebral nowadays!he he!

  27. >hahhahha..but if u see an unmarried couple sitting and not talking – that will be us!!! I just can't talk when I am hungry,and waiting for food invariably makes me hungry.I use that time to meditate about food.Who knows,maybe next time we will be at the table next to you 🙂

  28. Anubha says:

    >Heehee.. did she really stare at you like that? :DWell written.. and yes, a couple should have an understanding between them; the girl on the next table wouldn't have seen that! :)Nice blog! 🙂

  29. Ann Dee says:

    >Should I be reading this just when I'm back from one of those Sat brunches at a superbly romantic place with him and me looking at other people, yawning, at first waiting every nanosecond for the food, later hogging, belching and rushing home to our respective rooms – he to the movies, me to blogs. That's marriage :)Loved it!

  30. Anonymous says:

    >sometimes silence speaks better than words.. that's true companionship. congratulations 🙂 God Bless.

  31. Sara says:

    >I know,this is so true.In a marriage, more than love, its learning to live together!

  32. Miss M says:

    >Mumbai Diva needs to update🙂

  33. ani_aset says:

    >This was so sweet and nice.God bless you both.

  34. makrand13 says:

    >Loved this post 🙂

  35. Randeep says:

    >is that so? what say? 1st time here. nice blogCheersRandeep

  36. Zeba says:

    >awwwn. marriage must surely be amazing.

  37. Indy says:

    >Such a true and sweet post! loved it!

  38. Indy says:

    >Such a true and sweet post! loved it!

  39. >Oh man this is so true! I want every married (and single) person to read this! 🙂

  40. >You have put it in words so beautifully! This is true romance, deeper and more real too 🙂 Loved this post!!

  41. karmickids says:

    >Lovely. Marriage is the hubby agreeing to go for sphagetti bolognaise when all he wants is butter chicken naan.Or marriage is the man taking out the takeaway file and ordering for you and himself in similar situation and giving you a back massage.

  42. kedar says:

    >now, i feel sorry for all the shit i imagine when i watch married couples not being like i think they should be.neat post.

  43. Jagjit says:

    >Haha, nice. Very true :)You must have wished you could go and tell it to the 17/18 yr old girl. 🙂

  44. Haddock says:

    >I must show this post to my wife.

  45. >lol awww..nicely said1

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