Karva Chauth

My first Karva Chauth was exactly 2 days after my marriage. So there I was, still in my heavy silk sarees, at my in laws’ house, exhilarated at being with the man I loved all 24 hours without having to rush back home after a date, and off for a honeymoon the next day; how could I not have succumbed to keeping the fast?

To be very fair, my mom-in –law left the choice up to me. But the lure of the moment was too much.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself that day. I dressed up in this beautiful red silk saree, had everyone pamper me and had a new husband following me around like I was going to faint any minute. I still remember we went to M-Block market in GK1 in the evening and he bought me flowers for my hair. Goodness! The romance!

It’s been 22nd year now (2022). I still keep the fast. And out of no coercion at all. Simply put, I love the festival.

The point is, for me this day is not about keeping a fast so my husband can have a long life ( I mean, really!), it’s a day of love, commitment and a lot of effort from both of us to make it special.

I read a lot about the need to make an effort to keep the spark alive in a marriage, what is one to do when after a few years of marriage the initial attraction wanes to a more comfortable existence. This, for us, is one of the fun things that we do. I’ve never been to a mehndi waali to apply my mehndi. My husband does that for me. Yes. I will wait for 5 minutes for you to stop laughing. But trust me, we have loads of fun. The laughter at his designs, the patience with which he’ll struggle with the mehndi cone for at least an hour is so so special. My (mostly messy) mehndi will never compete with the other women’s professionally done designs, but I love it this way.

And really, I’m not going to die of starvation or even faint if I don’t eat for a day. The number of times I leave home without breakfast and skip lunch as well due to meetings is phenomenal. So many of us do that. So what’s so different about this day? But the whole experience of having him come home early, the wait for the moon, the breaking of the fast, and the pact to rush out looking for a restaurant which will give us a table immediately is so much fun and so romantic.

And no, I don’t go berserk shopping. I spend the day at office ( creating content!!!). And my husband is yet to give me any gifts for this particular day.I take a lot of liberties with tradition. We don’t have the normal home cooked food for dinner. I don’t go and do the puja with the other women…I do puja at home. But I keep the fast with an earnestness and accord this festival with a lot of seriousness. I know a lot of people who don’t keep the fast. My own mom gave up many years ago. My sister, even though she keeps the fast finds much merriment in the whole proceedings. My mom in law has never kept the fast herself.

No. He no longer needs to prove his love for me. Nor I to him by keeping a fast. That exists in the small everyday things that we do. But can you imagine the romance and the memories that this festival has given us. In Kolkata, one year, it was impossible to spot the moon from our house, so the man actually drove me down to the Hooghly river bank so I could see the moon from there. It was beautiful. It’s a memory that will last me a lifetime.

I think my nani was very evolved. She used to say that Karva Chauth was possibly a woman’s day off. Look at the customs. A woman is not supposed to use a sharp object on this day. So that means no knife and no needle. Tradionally women would spend their time cooking and sewing. So possibly this really was their day off. To wear their finery and get time off from their everyday work. Possibly.

What bothers me however, are the daggers that come out on this festival. There seems to be a sharp divide between women who keep Karva Chauth and those who don’t. Like all festivals, the back story for Karva Chauth too is pretty suspect! But we profess sisterhood, and supporting each other on so many facets – body-positivity, skin colour,  equality at work, so then why not be in agreement that this is a choice in most cases even if we are not in agreement over the customs.Here’s wishing you a happy Karva Chauth 🙂

Original: 2009

Updated: 2022